Hi, all. Almost a year since I last posted on this section of the site. Dunno why, just haven’t had much to say, I guess. But now I feel the need to whine, so here I am.
I’ve been unemployed for over two months now. The job market here in the Silicon Valley isn’t what it was two years ago when I first went job hunting, and now with much more experience behind me, I’m finding it far more difficult to generate interest in my resume. I’ve reached that point where sitting on my ass doing nothing all day just isn’t as satisfying as it used to be. Imagine that.
Boredom sets in.
Okay, so, given that, I figured I would go and teach myself another skill, say, Windows programming. This… this is kind of depressing. I’m just not as interested as I used to be. I can’t seem to make myself stick with it. I used to sit down and learn a new language or a new skill without any trouble. I would find some documentation, download any necessary software, and sit down and learn it. On rare occasions, I would also use a processed tree carcass. Now, though, even with all the necessary paraphernalia, I find that I’m just not into it. I learn a little, lose interest, and end up playing a game or reading a novel. This lack of ability to focus on learning something new about the subject that I have been studying, officially and unofficially, for a third of my life is very disturbing to me. I used to define myself by my ability to do this. What’s happening to me? Why can I no longer concentrate on the one thing I’m good at? What kind of mental entropy (mentropy?) is this that has silently snuck in and taken root in my mind while I was too busy working a full-time job to notice? What can I do about it? Very upsetting.
One final depressing component of my situation completes the summary of where I am in life, and that is the fact that I am chronically single. Seriously, if singleness were considered a disease, I could be the poster child. On the other hand, I’ve done little to rectify the situation, so I’ve little right to bitch. I’m not so much avoiding relationships as refraining from seeking them out. A personal choice, yes, but still somewhat depressing.
Directionless. In mental decline. Afraid. Alone.
That, it seems, is a summary of my life this summer.